Today was my daughters first day of school. She was so excited but nervous at the same time, I was excited for her. What was strange was I was happy she was going it was a weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt awful towards the end of they day and ashamed because honestly I was dreading the time to pick her up. I know that sounds bad and wrong, but my own anxiety was kicking in. See the thing about raising a child with bipolar is you cant ever really ward off disaster. To wonder what will happen next will she be happy will she be angry or will she be depressed when I pick her up .Those are the things that run threw my head and I have to prepare my self for anything that might happen, so yes my anxiety kicks in.
Today was a up and down day. She was excited to be home and surprisingly excited to do her homework. She had to pick out a book to read for school. She started to read the book and was so proud of her self that she was able to read most of the words. Things were going good. Then she became irritable and frustrated because the words were getting difficult. Now with any child that's normal and you are able to help them through it.Well with her I knew that it might be a struggle getting her to calm down.. I told her that maybe it was time to take a break from reading and directed her to a different project, so we sat down and started to draw. At this point she wasn't able to settle down she was getting frustrated that she couldn't draw. I try and avoid power struggled and pick my own battles, some times it works and some times it doesn't. today was the day it didn't.children with bipolar some times will rage, break things, get depressed and hurt peoples feelings or even themselves. I will be honest its hard for me to put my foot down because of my own anxiety wondering what will happen and will I be able to handle the outcome. Her frustration turned into her throwing things talking fresh and not able to keep her hands to her self. Today i put my foot down and thought there's no going back. It was hard but we pulled threw it and I was proud of myself.
I think just the day of being in school and her holding it together was hard and by the time she got home she wasn't able to she was in her comfort zone. Every day is different I have to learn to give myself room for error no body can do this job perfectly. I have to keep my own sanity by keeping my self well. Get support for myself. Not have negative people in my life that put blame, because there is no one to blame. I didn't ask for this. I had to learn a whole new way of living and its not easy. All I can do is be understanding about her mood episodes, and know that this isn't her fault.So today was hard and the struggle today was overwhelming and you just cant put into words on how hard and so very tiring it was. Im optimistic that tomorrow will be a good day for us.
being a parent raising a child with bipolar is a hard job every day is unpredictable. I love my daughter with all my heart shes sweet and a smart girl, and that's what any parent wants.My advise is make every day special show them you love them with all your heart. And never let them see your anxiety keep strong and hold your head up life is great and precious. Make every day worth it even threw the tough days.
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